The Fine Art of Offering Encouragement

This morning, I was sitting in the car on the way back from gym and I just felt the weight of my world.  I feel like I'm not making progress on something as simple as working out.  I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, and I hate how I look in everything I wear.  I've been feeling really discouraged about a lot of things going on in my life during at the moment actually - and it's finally hitting a precipice.  The little voices in my head that continually tell me that I'm not good enough are tiresome to deal with on their own, and when I start to feel like I'm just kind of drifting, they get a billion times louder.  

If I can pull myself back to a zen state, I tend to be ok.  But sometimes, I need a little push of encouragement.  I need to know that I'm doing a good job, or I'm on the right track, or I'm making the right decision.  Self doubt is a HUGE hurdle I have to overcome on a nearly hourly basis, so that encouragement is important.

However, it seems the art of encouragement seems to be one most folks don't grasp.

So when I offer an "I feel" statement, like "I feel like I'm not making any progress", it's me saying "I'm defeated, I need encouragement". 

The last thing I want (or need) to hear is all the things I need to do better.  How, if I just got to the gym earlier, or if I'd eat healthier, or if I did this or that...I'd feel better, when that's just not the case.  All that type of talk does is reinforces my feelings of doubt...those feelings of "I suck because I'm doing everything wrong".

And this is why "I feel" statements are important to listen to.  They're a clue as to what's going on, and I've learned that when you start something with those two words, you pick what you say after them very carefully.  I mean, I do understand the desire others have to want to fix things vs. patting someone's hand and just saying "you're doing great", but it's a delicate balance in HOW you fix it.  Words, timing of conversations, anything deeper than a nudge of encouragement, becomes a 'pick your battles wisely' situation...and when the person you're trying to help is already down on themselves, pointing out all the additional things they're NOT doing right just pulls them down even further.

Your desire to fix things for someone else should never override the fact that, sometimes, all they need are some kind words in order to fix it themselves.

Empowerment is important.